Rating: 0/10

Forget the Mexican Santa Claus and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. This is the absolute worst Christmas film ever made. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (not the Easter bunny) is a cheap, so-bad-it's-rare film directed by Barry Mahon, the guy who was the reason why The Great Escape was produced. It's just like a short film stretched into a feature-length one; the plot is so simple that it could've been done in 2 minutes. And you thought Manos: The Hands of Fate was slow-paced enough.

WARNING: Contains spoilers that this movie deserves!
The beginning shows a group of elves who are children in costumes that seem too big for them as they sort out some Snoopies and Raggedy Anns and whatnot and sing a stupid song without a tune. Meanwhile, Santa is stuck on a beach in Florida because the reindeer are missing. He sings an awful song and calls children playing around. Footage of the children is shown and freezes in the middle of each shot because the rest is about the children running to Santa. A gorilla suit, a white donkey, a pig, a sheep, a cow and a horse are chosen to help Santa's sleigh fly, but they don't work because those ideas are too retarded. But then...!

It cuts to a different film.
A cheap adaptation of Thumbelina.



What.

The story is told by a speaker at a place in the Pirate's World theme park, three years before it closed. The story starts with the old woman, and then the woman in the cave of an innocent witch who sings a boring song while the scene has only, like, a few shots. After the boredom, we see Thumbelina's appearance. When she finds her bed, the cinematography is so damn cheap that it's clear that Thumbelina is staring at a cinema screen when we see a shot of her getting talked to by her mother. The rest of the story involves crappy costumes, dialogue, songs and acting. There is a girl in a red T-shirt sitting with her eyes closed, and it seems clear that she's dreaming the story where she is the title character. It's even longer than Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny itself. What a crappy intermission.

10% for the Thumbelina film.

After the end title and the Pirate's World icon, we go back to the short movie, where Santa gets a sleigh dog. Or does he? The kids and the dog of course pranked him and left him to fry in the sun. He takes off his cloak and reveals an orange T-shirt. And this is where the bunny comes in, in a fire engine. Did the kids and the dog really prank him? Of course not! They went to get the bunny! Not sure why he's called the Ice Cream Bunny, because he drives in a fire engine that looks more like an old car. The bunny suit looks like crap. The fire engine travels God knows how many miles as the kids sing another bad song. It's followed by some bad camera shots and the bunny winking twice and failing to completely open the eye he winked. He gives Santa a lift, leaving the sleigh behind as it disappears when the kids arrive, and the cutting is awful. And that's the whole movie.

This movie is an insult to Christmas and Easter. It tastes like an overdue fruitcake. It makes Manos look like an Oscar-winner! Coal is a much better Christmas gift than this crap! It's no wonder why the film is so rare. So watch it if you dare, or don't watch it at all. Because I was brave and retarded enough to actually watch it.